The Great Indian Laughter Election- The SP Manifesto Episode

Dear Friends,  

If you are feeling down and depressed and need something to cheer you up, don't bother with re-runs of Friends and Seinfeld. Just pick up a paper and read the great manifesto that the Samajwadi  Party (SP) has laid out for India. I guarantee that you will laugh till it hurts. As far as howlers go, this one is an all time classic.

While most political manifestos and policies aim to move the country forward, this is the first one I remember reading about that aims to move the country backward. To sum it up, the party is against computers and mechanized farming. They want to abolish the use of english in education, administration and the judiciary and my personal favorite abolish stock trading.

Computers create unemployment, is the logic of Shri Mulayam Singh Yadav, the party's national president. He said that where computers are not necessary things should be done manually as it would lead to job creation. The party has used the same logic of computers on mechanised farming. 

While against computers, the party still has a website, which I am assuming was created on a computer. What a waste of an opportunity Mr. Yadav, so many jobs could have been created if you and your party had the vision before creating a website. Let me explain. Instead of the website the party could have printed its message and other information in a booklet. This would have boosted jobs in the printing industry, the paper industry and the ink industry. Then, they could have hand delivered these to every household in the country. This would have generated lakhs of jobs across the country for the delivery and courier industry and the national post office. After reading the party's manifesto most people would have thrown it in the trash (where it belongs), which would have created jobs in the sanitation department of so many municipal corporations that are responsible for clearing out the garbage. 

While we are at it we should ban washing machines for helping local dhobi's. To boost employment at petrol pumps we can remove those machines that tell us how many liters have been pumped in to a car. Instead we can just have people pouring petrol in to one liter cans and filling cars liter by liter. Why do we need electronic sewing machines for our garment industry? So many people can be hired to sew clothes.......Alright, I think you got the point.

The banning of english is another classic one. In the next 25 years China and India are going to compete for business from around the world. The one major advantage India has is that it is years ahead of China in terms of its english speaking population, at least for the moment. China has realized this difference and to catch up to India they are employing thousands of english teachers every year. Instead of capitalizing on our advantage the party suggests we take a step behind. Hmm....interesting, a step BEHIND. We have to hand it to the SP for being unique.

I would love to write on the ban on stock trading but I end up laughing too much and it becomes difficult to type.

But friends, here is the scary part. In the upcoming elections, this strategy might actually work. No matter how ridiculous the ideas may seem, the truth is, no news agency, poll, or newspaper can tell us how the rural population will react to these policies. If political history teaches us anything, it is that in politics, you just never know. If the SP does win and implements these policies, book your tickets and head elsewhere. Just remember, you wont be able to book your tickets online. 

To conclude, I realized that this might be one of the last few blogs that I write. In fact it may be one of the last few things you read on the internet and on your computer. It's not that I don't enjoy writing these blogs, surfing the internet and having email, its just that if the Samajwadi Party has its way, I wont be allowed all these pleasures.