Facebook Status Updates- The Complete Analysis

There is no question that Facebook has become an integral part of most people's lives. It is addictive, easy to use and entertaining. We use it for a lot of things like keeping in touch, remembering birthdays, checking out pictures, organizing events etc. etc. But when you actually break it down, the thing we end up reading the most are the often hilarious, often ridiculous and mostly useless status updates. This post is about the Facebook status update and how our friends (me included) have made it into this complex set that can be classified in to various categories. Here is my analysis of them.

Firstly let me say a few things. 1) I am probably guilty of having an update in each one of these categories. 2) I am going to be using random names as examples. These examples are not based on anyone living or dead. Any similarity is a coincidence and if it happens to be you, too bad. 3) While I mock most of these, the truth is that I enjoy reading them 4) I am sure I have left out some, so I hope you comment on this and add the ones I missed.

The Philosophical and Lesson Teaching

I posted one of these myself recently and thankfully I have friends who make fun of each other every chance we get. I was torn apart by them in the comments and it lead to me deleting my silly status. Here are a few examples 

"Anjali- In life the lessons we learn teach us to be better humans in the long run."Thanks Anjali. We appreciate that life lesson, we'll see you on Oprah next week.

"Saurabh- I don't live for yesterday, today and tomorrow is all that counts" What the hell are you talking about Saurabh? 

"Aditya- It is only true friends who stick by you when you are down." Good to know Aditya, because honestly we had not heard of the fair weather friends concept before you posted this update. 

"PRG just interviewed someone who served on the line of control, amazing what these guys go through and how under appreciated they are." Ya PRG, thanks a ton, real emotional, had me weeping :-) 

The Cryptic

This is the one that I hate the most. I have done it myself and I feel like a fool after I have posted it. Examples

"Kunal is making an important decision about life." Err... thanks for sharing that with us, we don't know what you mean, but good luck with that...moron. 

"Sahil is getting ready to make a risky move. Hope it works out." Sahil, if you want to share what your risky move is then share it, otherwise we don't really care. 

"Josh is wondering if all the pain and suffering is going to be worth it." For crying out loud Josh, we didn't know you were suffering, we don't know why, and frankly, we still don't.

The Completely Useless

"Sameer is lying in bed"- What should we do with this information Sameer?

"Pooja just had a great lunch"- We all eat lunch Pooja

"Tarun is relaxing"- Why did you feel you needed to share that with your 500 friends?

The Inside Jokes

"Harsh thinks that Kanika should wear her red shoes hahaha" Alright Harsh, we don't know Kanika or anything about her red shoes. We barely know you because you added us as a friend after meeting us at a random dinner. But thanks, we hope she wears her red shoes too.

The Angry Ones

I guess FB provides a great way to let out your frustrations

"Priyanka- the F**king traffic. This city sucks"

"Bina- So many inefficient freaking people. DRIVING ME NUTS"

"Tushar- Market down 8%. F*CK ME"

The Common Ones

"Mihir cant wait for the weekend". Who doesn't wait for the weekend you idiot. 

"Abhi hates mondays"- Same comment as above

"Rohan bberry pin xxxxx" As a piece of advice, do not do this one. You will get more randoms adding you then you want.

"Gaurav is sleepy"- I just had this one up, so no comment.

"Sam is in New York"- Don't call us we'll call you Sam.

"Tanya is thanking everyone for the bday wishes"- Oops, I forgot to write on your wall.

So that is my breakdown. I am sure there are plenty of more categories and plenty of more examples in each one. Better still, I know that some of the status updates that I mocked are similar to ones I am going to be writing one of these days. 

Anyway, got to go update my status with the link to this blog. More later.